Motherhood is not all sunshine & rainbows but strong women make it look easy. I speak highly of my kids and they deserve that recognition. Both of my daughters are A & B students. They are liked by their teachers/peers, and they show me every day what it feels like to be loved unconditionally. My son loves me in a way that I never knew existed. I love them too, with everything in me. I’m just going to be honest, sometimes they get on my nerves! One minute they are getting along so beautifully and the next minute all I hear is screaming, crying, and fighting. It doesn’t even feel like home if it’s too quiet. The joys of motherhood…
Can I keep it real? There are times when I just want to cry after a long day of work, feeling as though my job is NEVER done. Sometimes I wonder what my kids would do if I locked myself in my room for a couple of hours. Some days I can barely hold it together for myself let alone three little people. But motherhood has no on and off switch. I’m on go-mode until it’s time for sleep. Motherhood is a privilege, but it’s also exhausting and not so fun at times. Any mother who disagrees is delusional. You said I could keep it real, right?
It is amazing to me how gracefully women pull off parenting. We are pros at multitasking. We are nurturing. We are selfless. We are homemakers. We are strong. We carry babies for 9 months as life manifests inside our wombs. We are superheroes. We are so many things in one. But despite all our greatness we are still judged. Society tries to define what a good mom is or does but we all have different values. Our families have strong opinions about our parenting style, too. Breastfeeding seems to be a hot topic for example, and whether or not its ok to do it in public. But guess what?! You are somebody’s mama; you’re in charge and you got this!
Since there is no handbook for parenting, sometimes it’s hard to evaluate yourself. The worst thing you can do is compare yourself to other moms because we all have different struggles. You may look at my social media and think I have it easy because that’s the illusion I create. Never let them see you sweat! Your life’s journey is unique and you are doing a great job mama! Here’s how I know:
Your kids are well behaved
There are exceptions to this because some children may have experienced trauma or may have behavior disorders. Also, kids behave differently when they are at home versus anywhere else. At least my kids do lol. Kids feel safest and most comfortable with their mom, so after a long day of being on their best behavior they may switch up on you and raise hell. Once I gained this perspective it became easier for me to control my emotions because I realize they just need to express theirs. Overall, if you can send your kids to school, church, camp, or grandmas and they know how to behave, I’d say you are doing great. If your kids have manners and show love and respect for others, that is a great reflection of your parenting skills.
You provide all the necessities
By necessities I mean food, shelter, and clothing. Basic needs must be met and it’s the job of a parent to meet those needs. Designer clothes are not a necessity. Living in a mansion is not a necessity. Some parents are materialistic which is ok, but it’s also cool to live life as a minimalist. That’s better than trying to keep up with the Jones’s in my opinion.
You communicate in a healthy way
Another moment of transparency: Yelling at your kids hurts your spirit, I know from experience. It’s ineffective. I’m not going to pretend like I have mastered parenting but I have certainly grown my skill set. I am becoming more intentional about lowering my voice instead of raising it. Also, it’s more effective to make eye contact with your kids and ask questions to promote open communication. Another sign that you’re an amazing mom is you repeat positive affirmations to your kid(s). There is so much power in our tongues.
You create special memories with your kids
Family rituals and vacations are a great way to create memories with your kids. Your presence in the moment means the most. Kids love when their parents participate in projects with them or read aloud to them. It definitely means a lot when you have perfect attendance to games and competitions. Kids will forget about the stuff you buy over the years, but they will never forget the memories you share and time you spend. Here are a few moments I captured while bonding with my kids:
You practice self care
Take care of yourself first; only then can you properly take care of anyone else. It’s so easy to lose yourself as a mom, but make time for yourself. No excuses. Make it a point to create time to do the things you love- daily if you can. Take a momcation. Exercise. Have some fun. Self care recharges you and it’s very important.
I know parenting can be hard, especially if you are doing it alone. Single parenting feels like you are always coming up short, but you are enough. Just keep doing your best and have faith; it gets easier. And don’t be afraid to ask for help. Women can be so prideful about their independence but it takes a village to raise a child. With that being said, feel free to reach out to me with any questions or leave a comment below. And if you like my blog, be sure to subscribe so we can really keep in touch. Let’s elevate!