Single mom of three, degreed, loves to read. I imagine that would be my cheesy bio if I were on any dating apps, but I’m too old fashioned for that. I rather talk on the phone than text. I rather facetime than talk on the phone. I value healthy communication and human interaction. I like to meet people in person. Social skills are still important; you can’t always hide behind a keyboard! I still believe in courting, dating, and marriage. I know I’m not the only one, right?
Dating in this generation is such a task. We live in a society where relationships are easily disposable and hard to come by. It’s a real challenge when you are dating with purpose because a lot of people are caught up in having fun. On top of that my standards are high and unwavering. As I began to take dating more seriously, I started realizing how people sometimes temporarily show up in your life for a specific lesson. Nothing more, nothing less. If you keep them around any longer than the time it takes to learn that lesson, they become a distraction to say the least. The universe will let you know when the time is up for that person. If you ignore the signs, prepare for your world to get a little shaken up…
Following these 9 dating tips, you will surely eliminate any distractions that could be blocking your biggest blessing yet! If you are like me and ready to date with a definite purpose, keep reading….
Don’t Ignore the Red Flags
This is number one on my list because it’s so important to pay attention to the red flags. Failure to do so will lead you to dead end situations; I had to learn the hard way. Red means STOP. Do not proceed. Danger. There are sooooo many different red flags to take note of when dating, but it’s up to you to determine if they are total deal breakers or information to keep in your back pocket until you can make a more informed decision.
Some red flags I have come across include emotionally unavailable, lack of consistency/effort, failure to stick to plans/makes no plans, unhealthy/toxic relationships with family, failure to respect boundaries, irresponsible, drama filled/negative energy, and narcissism.
There are many more but you get the idea. One red flag doesn’t always mean abort the mission right away, but you definitely should take any of these warnings seriously.
Clarify the Intent
Communication is everything. If intentions are verbalized and clear, there is a lot less room for any heartache or confusion. This type of honesty gives both sides a chance to measure the nature of a relationship and maintain better control over their emotions. Whether you are dating for fun, interested in a sex partner or dating for marriage, just say that. If you are not sure what you want romantically, say that too. Keep it simple.
Make a List
Make a list of specific things you want/need in a significant other. Then use this list to help evaluate your candidates. My list focuses less on appearance/material things and more on quality/character.
Some of my must-haves include:
- Believer of God
- Family oriented
- Financially responsible
- Healthy Communication skills
- Great sense of humor…
I have almost 30 different things on my list lol but these are some of the most important. A potential match realistically won’t have all of the qualities on my list, but I use it as my first point of reference.
Choose You First
It is easy to get caught up in trying to win someone over, but never choose them over you. Never look to someone else for your happiness; find happiness on your own. Never depend on someone else to make you whole. If you can’t find happiness and wholeness on your own it’s not fair to expect it from anybody else. Also, never settle or compromise yourself too much to fit in someone else’s life. Create the life you want and the right person will effortlessly fit in.
90 Day Probation Period
My dating theory is that I will find out everything I need to know about a person within the first 90 days of dating to help me make a decision as to whether I want to move forward. Red flags surface, true colors show, and bad habits become obvious. 90 days is just enough time to analyze patterns of behavior, and gives you a chance to get out before it gets too deep.
Do Your Research
If we talk, I stalk! I have no shame either; this is important. I have to feel a person out before I let them into my world. I look at their social media accounts, and see what type of energy they give off. I pay attention to how they interact with others. I observe whether they are sending positive or negative messages out to the world. All of it matters. It’s not a bad idea to do an actual background check on anyone you’re dating either. Find out as much as you can from the internet; that’s what it’s there for, right?
Setting boundaries is important in any relationship but in a romantic situation they come in many forms and promote mutual respect. Boundaries are set with clear and honest communication regarding wants and needs. Boundaries can be emotional, physical, social, etc. Emotional boundaries may need to be defined when one person says I love you while the other person isn’t ready to say it back. It’s ok to not be ready to say the L word, just let your partner know where you are with things and how those words made you feel. Physical boundaries may need to be defined when it comes to sex. If you aren’t ready, stand strong on it and express that. Social boundaries may need to be defined if your partner isn’t ok with you posting/sending pictures, or changing your relationship status on facebook, and so forth.
Allow Time for Healing
Trying to date someone who is fresh out of a relationship is not a great start for something new. If the relationship did not end on good terms for your person, it will show. They may still talk about their ex and have some unresolved feelings, all which takes away the attention from being on you. You deserve undivided attention and clean energy. People may not only need to heal from past relationships, but there may be some childhood traumas that need to be addressed as well. A lot of women assume the role as a healer but everybody isn’t your responsibility to fix.
Protect Your Sexual Energy
Spirit and sex are closely connected. Sex without intent is dangerous and can be toxic for your spirit because it’s one of the most powerful forms of energy exchange. Be careful who you exchange with. It can be tempting to give into fleshy, or physical, desires because we are all human, but thy Yoni is sacred and should be treated as such. There are many women who need to heal sexually in order to raise the vibrations of spirit. Tread lightly if you think of having multiple sex partners in terms of allowing multiple spirits inside of you. It’s easy to understand that it’s healthier and more meaningful to be in an exclusive sexual relationship.
I have been single for 6 years now, and I have learned so much about myself and others along the way. One last help tip I want to give is to practice non-attachment. Allow what flows to flow and be grateful for all of your experiences with people because there is almost always something good that came from it. We don’t own people, we experience them. Hope this was helpful! Until next time…